I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
