I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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