Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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