I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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