Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Bring me that man meat
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
