Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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