Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
