I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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