Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
