Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
