a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
