I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
