My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
