weddingsv make me drug and hornr
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
