Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
