weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
