I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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