yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
