Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
