I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
