I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
