A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
