I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This baby is an asshole
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
God, I missed his penis.
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