Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
