wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
