his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
