You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
