You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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