it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
