I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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