Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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