I cockslap morals
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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