cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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