He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
