So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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