How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
