I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
