Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
