I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
