he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
