I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
