i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
