If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
