drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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