best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
