So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
