Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize