So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
