I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize