I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
