Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
