She is in my trunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
