dude i'm inner monologue high
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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