so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
