hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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