is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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