pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
