I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
