Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
