I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
