so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
