You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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