well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
