I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize