This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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