I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
