This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
