Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
