i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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