and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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