turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize