We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
