where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We are two peas in an std pod
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
