she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize