I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
