I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize