so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
