I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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