My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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