he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
