nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
