and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
