smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize